Etta Wilson handed me a news item last Sunday which reported that a new company, Eternal Earthbound Pets, offers, for a fee of $110, to take care of your pet in the eventuality of your being caught up in the rapture. When I read this I kicked myself for not thinking of it before. What a great way to collect some free cash. Eternal Earthbound Pets currently has locations in 20 states, but none here in the Commonwealth of Virginia. When I finish pecking at these keys, I’m going to hit their website and see if I can’t get in early on a D.C. area franchise. And I have an improvement on the scheme. It seems that the fee of $110 is a one time charge. But the tribulation is sure to last longer than the 10 or 15 years Killer, or Fifi will live – so I think it should work like an insurance policy that will pay off, when the rapture comes, for a monthly fee. Also, if the tribulation gets bad enough, we may start to think of Killer, or Fifi as an important source of protein. So I think a “No-Stew-Meat” rider ought to be an extra charge.
Of course, to make the money, one has to assume he or she will not be raptured. I freely admit that I expect not to be raptured. I am confident not because I won’t qualify (although I wouldn’t), but because I don’t believe there will be a rapture. So if you do, and want me to take care of your keeshond, or beagle, I am ready to accept dollars or euros.
My father did not expect to be raptured. He expected to profit by it, and he let everyone know it. At the Rome Church of Christ, in Rome Ohio, where he was (and my mother still is) a member, there is a brilliant shaft of light the shines down on sunny mornings from the windows in the middle of the auditorium ceiling. It comes straight down in a perfect circle of light. My dad called it the “rapture beam”, and told everyone that when the rapture came, those sitting in that shaft of light would be the ones taken to heaven. My dad made sure he never sat in the rapture beam. When asked about this he replied “When the rapture does come, I know there will be an empty, red, Lincoln Continental in the parking lot that I intend to drive home.” Of course you can tell from his statement that he didn’t believe there was going to be any rapture either. You can also tell my sarcasm is genetic.
LaHaye and Jenkins have made a lot of money off the rapture – through the sales of their popular “Left Behind” book and film series. They make lots of money because lots of people believe in a rapture – a moment when the chosen are spirited away to heaven as the rest of us are left behind to endure the Great Tribulation and the reign of the Antichrist while we wait for the return of Jesus who will reign in Jerusalem for a thousand years before final judgment. Charles T. Russell made a lot of money off the rapture at the turn of the last century – the commonwealth of Pennsylvania determined that much of it was not made legally. He taught that the rapture would come in 1914. This all makes for exciting pseudo-science fiction. But it is bad theology.
None of it comes from the straightforward language of the gospels, or the letters – where the end is discussed at length. Jesus describes it in Matthew 25; Paul does so in 1 Thessalonians 4-5, and in 1 Corinthians 15; Peter speaks about the end in 2 Peter 3. All these passages agree that the end will be an unexpected instant (Paul calls it a “blink of an eye” – 1 Corinthians 15:52). They all agree that in that instant there will be a sorting out of humanity. The dead in Christ will rise first (I Thessalonians 4:16), then all who belong to Him will be joined with Him (v.17, also Matthew 24:40-42). There is that moment when the lost see the grand reunion, but are not a part of it. They are left behind, but not for long, because then we will all be gathered for immediate judgment (Matthew 25:31, 2 Peter 3:8). Nowhere, from Genesis to Jude, is there any hint that one should plan for post-rapture doggie care.
To find the single reference to a reign of 1000 years one has to turn to the pages of the highly symbolic and cryptic book of Revelation, and a passage (Revelation 20:1-10) clearly connected to the fall of the Rome. I will not argue that I know exactly what Revelation 20:1-10 is describing. I will argue that you don’t either. I will also argue that one does not take a single passage - especially one filled with symbolic numbers and imagery – and use it to rewrite what is clearly communicated in the rest of scripture,
No matter how neat the special effects would be,
Or how much money there is to be made.
The Bible does not teach that there will be a rapture. If, however, I haven’t convinced you, and you are a dog owner…
